You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
