if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
