well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
