I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
