I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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