ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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