I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
