You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
