i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
