I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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