i will never coherently bang her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
