I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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