you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
