Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
