Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
