He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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