I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
