what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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