Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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