lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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