He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
