i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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