Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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