I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
