okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
