I think my vagina is haunted
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
