Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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