Midget sex pt 2 tonight
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
