i wish my penis had a tongue
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
