Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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