guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
