He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
