she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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