U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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