it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
