My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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