Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
