i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
