I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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