Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
