The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
