I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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