I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
