census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's blow job season.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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