just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
