dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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