If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think your dad took our porno
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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