if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
