apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize