I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Are my feet made of real feet?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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