I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
